so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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