i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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