if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
