we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
