I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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