His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
