life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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