No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
