We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I understand Curling. That high.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm just crazy horny about you
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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