i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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