So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
