i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
