I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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