Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Everclear isn't food dammit
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
