So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
