oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
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he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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