I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
