We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
