You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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