So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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