Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
