very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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