great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
