im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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