It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
