It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
