Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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