clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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