Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
