he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
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