I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
then he tried to convert me to islam
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
