party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
