I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
