Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
