Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
