If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
What a dumb baby whore.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
