He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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