I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
