it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
