there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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