After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
