It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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