My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
