She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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