yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
