Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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