Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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