Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
This is my gift to your gina
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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