And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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