I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
