She said her name was "party"
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
