He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
