Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
