Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
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