whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
