You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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