just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
