In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
