I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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